The Daily Star is really more entertaining semi-fiction than news, but this is still Onion-worthy.

Finally, some classic Onion writing…

…wait, what do you mean this is real‽

Dafuq?

Eat the rich!

You don’t, and neither do I.

I think, therefore I am. You think, therefore you are.

The world isn’t real. This is simply too ridiculous to have happened. I have been in a coma for the last six years and this is all just a weird fantasy playing out in my mind.

We honestly need a !notnotnottheonion now…

US economy crashing again in 3…2…1…

This feels like a gag out of Family Guy or South Park or something. Good thing people are protesting!

Don’t post the Daily Fail on here. The only differences between that and Fox News are that it’s British and that you need to be able to read in order to use it.

How the Kentucky fried FUCK is this not The Onion‽

yt-dlp supports passing on cookies from your browser, oncw you’ve logged in at least once.

There’s also GrayJay on Android.

Bringing a whole new meaning to a sting operation.

Try running it through Handbrake?

Failing that, it could be worth trying it in Linux. It’s not too hard to spin up a VM, and libdvdcss would have the codecs you need.

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Great story, but I feel I should mention that the Daily Heil does not qualify as news, due to the sheer volume of disinformation it publishes.